The Fowl Brothers
by Jonquil Gemstone
Summary: One is a boy genius with a flair for mischief, and the other is an athletic, naturally skilled fighter. Imagine these twins-products of a reformed criminal empire-encountering a magical world! Thankfully, they're not alone: their brother is thirsting for action after years of blissful yet boring peace. Fowl manor has a history of magic, and these two are no exception.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1: A SNAKE IN IRELAND?

 **This story idea was too irresistible…you'll see it soon enough.**

"Beckett, Myles, do get away from there!" a worried Mrs. Fowl called to her two youngest sons. The boys ignored her completely, absorbed as they were in the snake before them. Beckett, the athletic, blonde twin, looked back at her with sky blue eyes twinkling.

"Can I keep it, Mum?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Don't worry, Mother," Artemis Fowl II, the oldest son in the Fowl family, spoke to her reassuringly, "I will make certain they do not harm the snake." He walked calmly towards the two boys in his 'casual' beige trousers and light blue polo shirt, rare interest shuffling awake in his eyes.

Angeline Fowl was more worried about her sons than the serpent, but she realized her Arty wouldn't let the twins perish. Breathing to calm herself, she walked away with empty glasses of lemonade resting on a tray. Juliet was off in Mexico with one of her wrestling colleagues, and Butler joined her there at everyone's insistence.

It had been a late summer's week without incident, and autumn was just around the corner.

"Hey, Artemis," Myles, Artemis' miniature doppelganger, stared at the Burmese python before them, drinking in every detail, "I thought there were no snakes in Ireland."

"There should not be. This one must have been brought from somewhere else."

"Can I keep it?" Beckett asked enthusiastically. Like everyone else in the family, his smile contained perfectly kept white teeth; however, his shone with a carefree happiness Artemis never possessed, and it was also free of the sinister touch usual to the Fowl brothers.

"But…it's dead," was all Artemis could think to say.

"Yeah, y' goof!" Myles teased Beckett the way he always did.

"But what if it tastes good?" Beckett whined. "I still want it!" He turned to Artemis again. "I'm not a kid anymore: I know if I cook it, it'll be safe! Right, Myles?"

"But, Beck…" this time, Myles pouted. " _I_ want it for my experiments."

"You take half, and don't tell Mom about it. Deal?"

"Deal! Thanks, Beck!" The boys beamed at each other, and suddenly their innocent smiles bore distinct trademarks of mischief. They looked up at Artemis, who had grown taller and accelerated his growth to its proper state after going missing several years before. "And if you tell on us, Artemis, we'll get revenge."

"And, praytell, how exactly do you intend to do so, in the event I should let anything slip?" He had told the twins about his adventures, and with their help he was now physically as old as he naturally should have been. He still bore the scars from those times: one hazel eye and switched middle and index fingers on his left hand.

"We'll tell Minerva you had a crush on her." Myles replied with conviction.

"I have had many crushes in the past, Little Man." Artemis folded his arms. "Telling her will do nothing to deter me, and there is clearly nothing else to use as artillery, so you will have to mechanize something enticing as a bribe."

"Then why're you blushing?" Myles did his best to mimic Artemis' vampire smile; however, he simply did not have anywhere near as devious an air as his reformed criminal mastermind brother. Even so, the latter cleared his throat and left them to carry on with their carrion.

"To the kitchen!" Beckett declared triumphantly.

"Wait, Beck!" Myles put out an arm to stop him. "Mom'll see us."

"Oh, right! So, what do we do now?" Beckett turned to the strategist for a real plan. Myles thought for a moment.

"I know what to do. Follow me, Beck!"

"You use my name a whole lot."

"Yeah, I know. Let's go…Beck!"

 **I do not own the Artemis Fowl series.**

 **Note: I find the Artemis Fowl series to have gone rather downhill after the fifth book, so I may have tweaked the storyline a bit, keeping some elements and discarding others. As you can tell, Artemis did not resurrect by using a younger clone-body, and Minerva does (realistically) continue being a part of their lives (I figured that after the ending of the fifth book, it was ridiculous to simply erase her from everyone's lives).**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: Unexpected Friends

"Alright," Myles gave his brother the rundown of their plan, "You carry the snake up to my lab's window, open it, and toss me my experimental hover shoes. Y' got it?" After Artemis came back, he and Myles started sharing the laboratory Myles was always trying to sneak into, under the condition they don't try to peek at each other's research.

"Yeah, Myles. I won't let anyone see me, either!" Beckett raised an eyebrow at him. "How do I open the safe, again?"

"I coded it to both of us, so your eyes should work for it. You have to blink twice, pause for three seconds, then wink once with your right eye. Like this." Myles demonstrated, blinking twice to represent his and Beckett's eyes, pausing for three seconds to represent the three years Artemis was missing before they met him, and finally winking with his right eye to represent the one dark blue eye which was actually human. He swore that if he ever made a teleportation device, accidents like that would never happen! Then again, it would be cool if he and Beckett switched eyes: then he'd be more like Artemis, and he and his twin would actually have something in common for a change! "If you succeed, I'll letcha have first dibs on the snake."

"Really? Thanks!" Beckett beamed at him. Then, his gaze shifted to the branch next to Myles' shoulder, and his eyes widened. "Ooh, look. A caterpillar! How do we tell if its poisonous, again?" Beck always did like caterpillars.

"Come on, Beck, focus. Think of the snake."

"Oh, right! Hand it over, and I'll start climbing." They started lifting the snake, Myles struggling a little because it was so massive, when they heard it talking!

"Leave me be," said the snake. It sounded weary. Myles' jaw dropped. How was this happening? Did the snake learn English somehow? Did it know what it was saying, or was it just like a parrot? Maybe it was some sort of escaped experiment from a secret lab somewhere! It couldn't have been Artemis'…could it? Beckett simply set his end—the head—down gently.

"Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?" Beckett asked the large snake as if he had just bumped into someone in the streets. "Sorry for wanting to eat you." He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out some gummy bears, offering them with his trademark innocent smile. "Here's some candy, if ya want it!" The snake shook its earthy-colored head, turning down the human candy.

"Snakes don't eat gummy bears, Beck." Myles explained. "Where did you come from?" he asked the snake, dark blue eyes full of curiosity.

"I e _s_ caped from a zoo in England," the serpent told them, "and I tried going to my homeland…but after e _s_ caping the authoritie _s_ I hid in a _s_ trange contraption, and ended up _here_." His speech was slow and almost hypnotic, and his 's'es were accented and drawn out, as though he were hissing.

"Oh," Beckett's brow furrowed, deep in thought about something. "So, you used to live in England, but now you're stuck here?" The snake nodded 'yes'.

"Well, you seem to be in bad condition," Myles analyzed. "We thought you were dead!" The snake's head turned to him. "We'll help you out by treating you 'til you're well, then we'll get you back home to Southeast Asia!" he knew from his favorite collection of encyclopedias where Burmese pythons came from, and he was sure he could smuggle one snake to its natural habitat.

 **I own neither Artemis Fowl nor Harry Potter.**

 **I used the film's Burmese python rather than the book's boa constrictor. The latter are often bred in captivity and are known as the "common boa", so the Burmese python—native to tropical South and Southeast Asia—seemed like a better storytelling breed for the scenario I set up here…That, and I think its just cooler than a common boa.**

 **Talking to snakes is unlikely to show up again, since this is basically my way of setting up the crossover's introduction.**


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3: BUSTED

Beckett landed nimbly inside his brothers' shared laboratory, adjusting the snake over his shoulders. The big guy wasn't too heavy, but he still had to mind his balance.

"You okay?" he asked it. The snake just nodded. Scanning the room, Beckett looked for a place to set him down. The eleven-year-old boy didn't go there too often, and he was usually zoned out from boredom when he did. Spotting an empty table of stainless steel, Beckett stepped towards his destination. _After this, I get Myles his shoes,_ he reminded himself. _I wonder what happens if—_ cutting off his thoughts, the blonde twin stopped in his tracks. He sensed a cold, omniscient presence…

Without moving a muscle, his eyes drifted to a far corner of the lab. There, with his back facing him, Artemis was staring at some kind of chart or timeline or something on the wall.

 _Uh-oh,_ Beckett wasn't sure of what to do. Sure, Artemis promised not to tell before, but…they were kind of planning to nurse a giant snake back to health and sneak it away now. Artemis never agreed to keep _that_ a secret! _What would Myles do?_ He wondered. Myles liked to say 'better safe than sorry', so Beckett decided it best to sneak past his brother as quietly as possible.

"That snake is alive, is it not?" Artemis spoke up, his back still facing the frozen boy. Beckett knew that sinking feeling he got all too well: it happened every time Myles's plans against their big brother failed. Beckett sighed.

"If you're gonna talk to me, say it to my face," Beckett demanded. _That's right,_ he noticed Artemis's shoulders tense for a moment, _you never scared us._ Artemis could bring his worst! Artemis turned around, but the look in his eyes shocked Beckett.

"I was only going to mention that if you want my help nursing it back to health and releasing it, I would gladly offer it," the look in his brother's eyes was compassionate, but also focused. It was like he saw this as a grave mission.

"It was that obvious, wasn't it?" Beckett slouched and finally unloaded his coiled up passenger. "Anyways, I gotta go help Myles up." He went to the safe and tried to remember the combination. _Blink twice, wait three seconds, and…wink with the right eye!_ It sure was nice of Myles to code it to him, too. The hover shoes looked so cool! Way better than in the blueprints. _Lightning bolts!_ Beckett gushed at the suggestion he'd made to Myles's design.

 **I'm sorry for the long wait, but this story requires careful planning to figure out how exactly I'll weave it together. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to research the entire Harry Potter universe's canonical history with extreme attention to details, then to look at how to tie that in with the Artemis Fowl universe's canonical history (particularly between the Fairies and the Mud People). After that, I'll see if I can find anything useful on the Hogwarts curriculum and school system. Of course, one can't write a Harry Potter fanfiction without researching the Ministry of Magic and all its workings, proceedings, goals, and evolution!**

…

 **Perhaps I'm overexplaining the process…but what a lovely roundabout way to announce I OWN NEITHER HARRY POTTER NOR ARTEMIS FOWL :D!**

 **UNTIL NEXT TIME! (Huh, so these are my author's notes when the time is nearing midnight…Lesson learned).**


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4: FAMILY DINNER

"So, you're really gonna help us?" Myles asked, wide-eyed.

"Of course I am," Artemis confirmed while checking their snake friend's vitals, "and I believe our parents will not hesitate, either. This specimen needs to be in its natural habitat."

Myles didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. He really wanted to pull off a big scheme, like how Artemis used to.

"Isn't that great?" Beckett asked their new reptilian acquaintance. "Now we won't have to worry about getting permission!"

"Are you speaking to that reptile, Beckett?" their brother asked. Beckett simply nodded. "You never cease to amaze." Apparently, he thought it was all in Beck's imagination.

"He can talk, too, but he's not feeling okay now. Right, Myles?" Beckett turned to him. Artemis lifted an eyebrow.

"'S true, Artemis. This snake can somehow imitate and utilize human speech patterns!"

"Interesting…" now Artemis was eyeing the snake as if drinking its blood would give him information on how it worked. He got that look often nowadays, whenever something piqued his interest. Apparently, his fairy friends were running out of adventures.

"You look like you're about to suck its blood," Beckett voiced both their thoughts.

Myles shivered to think what it would feel like on the receiving end of that stare. Both he and Beckett have heard their brother's fabled 'vampire smile' described, but they never saw it in person. _If it's half as unnerving as this,_ Myles thought to himself, _I don't wanna see it._ Artemis blinked and actually _shook himself_ out of it. Artemis never shook his head like that—he didn't want to rattle his precious brain around—so he must've been in a serious trance this time!

Mere seconds later, the trio was called down for dinner. Sitting around the table, they and their family admiringly ate the shrimp lo mein before them. Apparently, their mother was taking an Asian cooking class and wanted to try some recipes out.

Artemis Fowl Senior looked just like his two black-haired sons, except he had a prosthetic leg with flames painted on it. Of course, the leg was usually covered by long pants. Tonight, he was especially cheery for some reason. When the boys told him and Angeline their plans for nursing a python back to health, they were 'so proud' and would, of course, arrange for transporting the exotic animal back to South Asia.

"So, boys," Artemis Senior looked at the twins, "your mother and I have an announcement for you."

"Really? What is it?" Beckett asked, stuffing his face and not minding the fact their mommy definitely forgot the actual ingredients and used a store-bought bag instead.

"You're going to public school this fall!" their mother announced happily, grinning.

 **About Angeline's cooking: I honestly do not think the series mentions her cooking abilities, so I went with not really labeling it as fantastic (which would make her a bit of a Mary Sue, the way I see it) or horrible (which, let's face it, is almost as cliché as making her food the best in the world). Rather, she's simply taking classes for a specific kind of food and forgot the recipe/ingredients in this specific case. Cute and humorous, all in one!**

 **No, I did not just randomly pick Asian food without giving it any thought XD! It's where the Burmese python is from (Asia), which ties it into the story; meanwhile, a Fowl would take Asian cooking classes because the Butlers are Eurasian!**

 **Shrimp lo mein specifically, though…I just thought of that when I thought of frozen food because I remember liking it.**

 **I own neither Artemis Fowl by Colfer nor Harry Potter by Rowling.**


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE: OPEN TO CHANGE

"What?" Myles exclaimed while Beckett choked on his lo mein and Artemis stared in shock.

"Isn't that great?" Angeline smiled, taking their surprise as a good sign. "Now you'll get to be around children your own age."

"Mother," Artemis piped up, "haven't I been teaching them well enough for their homeschooling?"

"Oh, it's not that, Arty," she tried reassuring him, "it's just that I want them to experience new things, and—"

"I don't want to go" Myles stated openly.

"Myles?" Angeline looked at her son. "I understand it might be difficult for you to adjust, but it'll be good for you _and_ your brother."

"Well, if he doesn't want to, neither do I, Mum" Beckett folded his arms but spoke quietly.

"Isn't the whole point of school to learn? Can't we do other stuff for social skills? Dad?" Myles gazed imploringly at their father, silently begging him to be on their side. To his dismay, Artemis Senior just shook his head.

"Your mother is right, gentlemen. Your reactions tell us that much."

"But…Artemis?" Beckett sought the cavalry.

"Sorry, you two," Artemis sighed resignedly, "there is no turning them from giving us 'normal' experiences, as I have found." Of all the times Artemis told them about school, nothing he said about it was positive.

"Is there at least going to be something fun for us?" Beckett asked.

"I'm sure there will" Angeline regained her beautiful smile, feeling hopeful again.

"Will we even get to learn anything new?" Myles wondered.

Suddenly, the Fowls were interrupted by a couple of letters flying onto the table. One landed in front of Myles, the other before Beckett. Everyone froze around the centuries-old wooden table.

"Be careful," Angeline cautioned her family. Artemis Senior placed his suddenly ghostly face in his hands and exhaled.

 **Cliffhanger (sort of)! I do not own Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter!**


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6: LETTERS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

"Hogwarts?" Beckett wrinkled his nose, a newly-read letter in his hands. "You're sending us to a school named after pigs with skin problems?"

"Why, no," Angeline told him, "I've never even heard of it!"

"Obviously not, Beck. This is probably just a prank. Not funny, Artemis" Myles grumbled at Artemis the Second. Knowing the former criminal mastermind, he was probably in on this the whole time and just pretended to be shocked.

"I assure you, I had nothing to do with this," Artemis scrutinized the opened envelopes, checking for any sort of device which could have made them fly.

"I know what's going on," Artemis Fowl Senior lifted his face and gathered his composure. "I was hoping, since your brother turned out to be a Squib, you would be, too. You see, Hogwarts was the school I went to when I was your age."

"You went to a school for witchcraft and wizardry?" Angeline's eyes widened. Seeing the turmoil in her husband, she placed a gentle hand on his elbow. "How come you never told me?" she whispered.

"That, my dear, is a long story. For now," he looked at his youngest sons, "give the school _we_ picked out for you a chance. If, after hearing me out and going on a tour, you would rather attend Hogwarts, I promise I will send the owl myself."

Myles and Beckett shared a glance. _Should we do this?_ They both were thinking. Getting the same idea, they nodded. Their father sighed in relief.

"Atta boys," he leaned back and steepled his fingers. "Now, where should I begin?"

"Perhaps start with why you were so worried about the twins attending this…unique learning environment" Artemis II had assumed the same position as his father as soon as magic became the subject of discussion. To Beckett, it was like watching a room full of spy movie villains. He would have elbowed Myles for imitating them, but he was too caught up in the moment for that.

"I'd like to hear that myself," Angeline said in her 'don't hide anything from me' tone of voice, turning her chair to give Artemis Senior her full attention.

"Right. It requires a bit of history, so here it goes…long ago, magic was a well-accepted part of human society. Magical creatures, spells, and people were commonplace; however," here he lowered his voice, "the people with magic—wizards—slowly became at odds with Muggles—those without magic. The conflict between them grew so severe, the wizards created an alternate, invisible world kept secret from the Muggles. Eventually, Muggles forgot all about magic being real, and the existence of two worlds should have solved everything…except for one factor: human nature.

"As far as I know, all too many wizards look down on Muggles—as a matter of fact, wizards of Muggle descent are often treated derisively. One particular group, the Death Eaters, still seeks to enslave and eliminate all Muggles. They even tried to recruit me, when I was just a teenager. Their leader is so feared, his name cannot be spoken, for fear it may summon the Death Eaters. An associate of mine turned to them, and I foolishly maintained contact until I met your mother. Given their ideals, it's no wonder his new circle accused me of betraying my kind by falling in love with a Muggle.

"By staying in the Muggle world, I thought I could lose them. Maybe I did, but I don't think they're as gone as they seem." A stone cold silence fell upon the Fowl family at this grave revelation. What if this former 'friend' was still around? What if the twins came to harm?

"How…how is the school's security system?" the worried mother asked, brushing a strand of brown hair from her face.

"Um…they allow students to carry their own wands, and…they teach a Defense Against the Dark Arts class." Angeline furrowed her brow. Artemis Senior held her hand reassuringly. "If they make the right friends, stay out of trouble, and pay attention in all their classes, they should be fine. It's like…motivation to do well!"

"I'm still not too comfortable with the idea, darling."

"Father," Artemis had a proposal in mind, "what if I go to the school as a member of the staff to monitor their situation?"

"No offense, son, but without magic, the best you could do is become a janitor. Besides, I don't want you in danger, either."

"I have my ways," he stated with conviction. Myles decided he wanted him with them, after all.

"I'd feel better with him there, Dad." Myles wanted to surpass Artemis in every area…so how could he be better at wizarding if Artemis wasn't involved? Besides, he needed someone there to challenge him mentally!

Beckett nodded in agreement, "He can use everyone to stop the bad guys and boss us around!"

"You need not be involved beyond giving me this initial permission," Artemis came as close to begging as the twins had ever seen him. The latter gave their parents their best puppy-dog eyes. No adults could ever resist the puppy-dog eyes.

After thinking for a while, Artemis Senior and Angeline chose to leave their eldest to his own devices, albeit hesitantly. After all, they couldn't very well stop him once his mind was set, and Artemis Senior figured he would only draw more attention if he went himself. The boys all loved each other so dearly, Angeline couldn't help but find her heart melted at their joint begging.

Hopefully, though, they found their intended school more appealing the next day.

 **Thank you for the wonderful reviews! Let me know what you think of this story and share your thoughts by reviewing!**

 **By the way, I was looking over my author's notes and wondered if you would like me to put official "Behind the Scenes" sections in some (or all) chapters for those interested in the specifics of my writing process. What do you say? I could also do Q &A by receiving PMs and including answers in the author's notes.**

 **I had Artemis Fowl Sr. go into story-teller mode, and I liked it! He strikes me as the kind to have always had a knack for storytelling, especially with how much of an impact his words had on Artemis's childhood before going missing and being declared dead. Luckily, we don't know much about his life growing up, and his being a wizard introduces some good potential. A long line of wizardry can even tie into Fowl Manor's involvement in magical history!**

 **I own neither Artemis Fowl nor Harry Potter.**

 **P.S. Out of curiosity, would any parents here on Fanfiction let their child(ren) attend Hogwarts? It's so dangerous, but…would the risks outweigh the benefits of mastering unique abilities and gaining life experience? For the sake of objectivity, analyze it as a boarding school, rather than a romanticized place of adventure you would (or wouldn't) go to yourself.**


	7. Chapter 7

**To my concerned guest reviewer: don't worry! I made Artemis II a Squib because if he had magic, he would have gotten a letter before his first year and his life may have been too different. He WILL BE INVOLVED, though, so never fear ;)! A mastermind has his ways, after all.**

CHAPTER 7: EXPLORING AN OPTION

The Fowls entered O'Donnell Secondary School, and the first thing to hit them was a wall full of giant, neon yellow bees smiling and holding a banner stating "The busy bee gathers the honey".

 _Bees don't gather honey,_ Myles thought, _and they look nothing like that!_ He could hear Beckett snickering next to him, but he was just annoyed. "Do all schools look like this?" he whispered. The air smelled as far from fresh as possible, and Myles could see chewed gum hidden in almost every corner, nearly black with dirt.

"Ooh, snacks!" Beckett noticed the gum, too.

"Ew, Beck!" Myles cringed, "Disgusting!"

"What? I was kidding!" he laughed. "But I can always shove it in your face."

"Remember, you two," Artemis reminded them, "Mother wants us on our best behavior." He had volunteered to bring them to this place for a tour while their parents arranged for a flight to Southeast Asia.

By the time they reached the front desk, a professionally dressed lady came out to greet the Fowl brothers. After going through the formalities, the vice principal—Ms. Dana Dandy, apparently—charged towards her prey with a forced smile.

"And these must be your sons," Dana gushed. "They're simply adorable! You know," she glanced up at their brother, "we have plenty of job opportunities for young men like you, if you'd like to stay with them."

 _Is she crazy?_ Myles was a little miffed, _He's not nearly old enough to be our dad, and he'd never work in a place like this!_

"We are _not_ adorable," Beckett mumbled indignantly, half to himself.

"Firstly," Artemis's tolerance slipped, "these are my younger brothers. They are not my offspring, and they are not here for your viewing pleasure; furthermore, I would not consider 'adorable' a compliment from you, seeing as those ridiculously inaccurate bumblebees on the wall must fit your perception of 'adorable'. As for those job opportunities," here he smiled a cold, sickly sweet smile. "Perhaps you would like to rescind your offer now?" Dana's face went pale, and her eyes looked watery. It was enough to make Myles feel bad for her. Was this the infamous vampire effect? He had to admit, he was stuck between awestruck and horrified.

 _Awesome,_ was what came to mind.

"It's okay, ma'am," Beckett reached out to comfort her, "he's got that effect on people. How about we see the lunchroom first?"

Dana nodded and blinked back the tears, but as they all moved out of the main lobby, Myles noticed she gravitated closer to Beckett like he was a curly-haired angel who'd protect her from the scary demon of night. Myles smiled as he drifted behind with Artemis. Both his brothers had such awesome powers.

If only the same could be true of the cafeteria: it was a bit on the bland side of décor. Bluish floors, grey walls, and tables the same colour as the floor. It felt like a prison.

"This is our cafeteria, where we serve all kinds of food to our students."

"D' you have espresso?" both the twins inquired simultaneously. They both liked espresso, especially Beckett. According to family lore, Beckett got Myles to try it at age five after sneaking it himself for a year.

"N-no, we don't. Most kids your age don't drink that."

"As they shouldn't," Artemis chimed in, "we can tell when these two have because they end up hyperactive and sleep deprived."

"How about treacle?" Beckett ignored their brother's subtle mini-lecture.

"If we're serving pancakes or French toast, yes."

"Just add espresso, and you'll have everything!" Beckett said like it was the perfect formula for success.

"Menu selections aside," Artemis decided to wrap this up, "shall we continue, Ms. Dandy?"

A wide-eyed Dana only nodded. The poor woman didn't seem to know who to trust anymore: the soul-eating young man or the crazy boy who thought treacle and espresso were everything a school cafeteria needed.

The rest of the tour was uneventful and boring beyond measure. The classrooms were dull, the textbooks Myles skimmed through were unimpressive even for Beckett, and the atmosphere was stale.

"Think we can handle that for days on end?" Myles whispered to Beckett in the back seats of the limo on their way home. They made Artemis sit up front so they could have a 'twin conference' as they called it.

"No way," Beckett responded in kind, "not without, like, ten shots of espresso." It was boring enough going through Artemis's lessons, but the thought of a class where the teacher was someone they had to respect was too much!

They continued discussing the matter on the ride home. That evening at dinner, the boys ate their meal silently. Upon finishing, they set aside their plates, and Myles steepled his fingers, resting his elbows on the table. Taking the cue, Beckett assumed a Butler-esque position in his seat. It wasn't necessary, but they both agreed it looked pretty cool whenever they did this.

"So, about your proposal," Myles looked directly at their father, midnight gazes meeting in the middle of the family table.

"Whatever you truly want, sons, I'll support you." That did it. The twins' hardcore business personas crumbled at their father's kind voice. They breathed in, gathering themselves for what could be the biggest decision they've made in their lives. The next thing they said was in unison:

"We'll take our chances at Hogwarts."

 **Irish schools…after figuring out approximately what year the twins would be in, I decided to make them incoming first-years at a secondary school because it makes sense their parents would begin sending them to normal school at the start of a new level of education rather than the end of primary school. As for the name "O'Donnell" I took it from O'Connell Secondary School in Ireland. As for the description of it, I know NOTHING about the real school, or what a school in Ireland typically looks like…so I came up with my own little stereotype of schools in general! Of all the elements, this is the one I worried about most. Thankfully, this is likely the only chapter in an Irish school :P.**

 **Espresso and treacle: Artemis Fowl fans may or may not remember this, but at some point Beckett downs several spoonfuls of a mixture of these two things before it gets taken from him, and he couldn't sleep for a long time afterwards. I just wanted to make it so he at least got Myles to try espresso at some point because fun sibling influences XD! Mixing it with treacle, though…that's still just his special quirk.**

 **Vampire: I always LOVED IT when Artemis terrified the living wits out of people in the series, and I must say it was so fun for me to write his exchange with Dana Dandy. Yay! I might get addicted to it, but I mustn't use it too often (or it may lose its effect).**

 **I own neither Artemis Fowl nor Harry Potter, though Dana Dandy is my minor OC (a.k.a. the blip you might never see again).**


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8: PREPARING FOR SCHOOL

"There must be _something_ I can buy here," Angeline picked up the twins' list of needed supplies for Hogwarts. "Let me see…"

"I don't think Farming Knights has books like _History of Magic_ or _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ ," Artemis Senior chuckled lightly.

"Still, I always dreamed of picking their school supplies…ah hah!" she pointed triumphantly at the list. "I can get their telescopes, brass scales, and quills…and they're allowed pets!" Her eyes sparkled.

"Right, then," her husband nodded, "you do that, darling, and I'll take the boys all to Diagon Alley for the rest."

"I wish they gave us more time," Angeline sighed.

"September is still some time away, but it is strange they didn't send these at the beginning of summer," Artemis Senior conceded. "Then again, I received my letter late, too."

"It must be because the school is in the UK," Angeline deduced.

While their parents were examining their supply lists, the boys were in the lab with the snake. The twins and even their father have taken to speaking with him regularly while his health improved each day. Beckett sat on Myles's swivel chair while Myles tinkered with the hover shoes on his feet. Artemis was on his side of the lab, packing some projects and locking up others in top-security safes he designed.

"I wanna test these out and perfect them before Beck and I have to leave for Hogwarts," Myles presumably addressed the snake.

"You _s_ ay thi _s_ will enable human _s_ to fly without airplane _s_?" the snake asked.

"Yes," Myles was still focused on the shoes, "even if they're Muggles. They worked fine for simple things like getting you in here from outside, but I want them to be fast and super maneuverable, too. Okay, Beck," he got up and gave his brother a thumbs-up, "just hover a little bit to see if they can still lift you."

The snake watched in interest as Beckett lifted off the ground. Beckett's balance was legendary among the Fowls—it was like all the balance Artemis and Myles lacked was given to Beckett. That being said, he was almost immediately propelled to the window behind him by his right foot.

"Hm, I need to recalibrate and realign the boosters…" Myles noted as Beckett plummeted to the floor suddenly. The snake moved his head forward slightly in apparent concern. "Don't worry," he glanced at the snake, "he's been through worse."

"Be sure not to bring anything disruptive to Hogwarts," Artemis cautioned, "or it may be confiscated."

"What if we don't get caught?" Beckett asked, still on the floor.

Artemis hid his smile. _Those are my brothers._ "I simply ask you to not jeopardize my job. The headmaster took a bit of a risk in hiring me, and I must fulfill my promises as a professor." Becoming a member of the Hogwarts staff was as simple as writing well-worded letters to the headmaster and the current History of Magic professor. The latter had apparently died long ago, and his ghost had trouble connecting with modern students. All Artemis did was send enough gold to retire _very_ comfortably, along with the promise of an adept successor. With that, the ghost teacher retired in peace.

The headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, was surprisingly enthusiastic about hiring Artemis Fowl II. Apparently, being a bright young man who missed his chance for a wizarding education must have tugged at the man's heart strings. Of course, the detailed thesis on magical history Artemis sent as an attachment must have made all the difference.

"Which subject are ya teaching, Artemis?" Myles inquired.

"History of Magic," Artemis puffed out his chest a little.

"Can Myles and I sit together?" Beckett pleaded.

"We shall see." Artemis did one final check to ensure everything was as he wanted to leave it, then activated his desk's security system. Less than a year after his last magical adventure, the teenage genius decided to start a legitimate business for security and espionage devices. Governments around the world were soon clamoring for Fowl Security systems, and he even sold home security systems and security cameras in the private sector. Houses, businesses, and public institutions supplied a virtually endless demand for his revolutionary technology. Naturally, he still kept the best and most powerful secrets for himself. Since he was preparing to leave for Hogwarts, though, the young CEO has already settled his affairs and handed the reins to his father, Artemis Fowl Senior.

 _A teacher's life may not be exciting,_ he contemplated, _but it is a change of scenery_. Running a business became boring after a while—the rush of making money was now stale in comparison to exploring a new field. Halfway tuned into reality, Artemis heard the twins talking to the snake. Their hisses and breathy words were unusual, and it seemed they did not realize how they sounded. A familiar electricity tickled his blood. He sensed a new adventure on the horizon.

 **I HAVE RETURNED! MY HIATUS IS OFFICIALLY OVER! MONTHLY UPDATES FROM NOW ON (THOUGH NOT ALWAYS ON THE SAME STORY)!**

 **I ALSO INTEND TO REVIVE MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL IN A WHILE, SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR POETRY AND ORIGINAL STORIES IN THE FUTURE!**

 **PROGRESSION OF THIS CHAPTER: I decided to put in some family fluff, but then I wound up explaining a bit of how Artemis wound up teaching at Hogwarts and what he'd been up to since his life-threatening escapades ended. How much contact would he still have with the fairies? Some, I would imagine, but Opal Koboi was still defeated in this timeline, and he had learned not to jeopardize their civilization's security, so there may not have been much action to involve him in epic missions. Will we see his three-foot-tall friends in this story? Maybe.**

 **LENGTH OF THIS CHAPTER: I wanted to make up for lost time :,(. Thank you all for your patience—I truly don't deserve it.**

 **ANGELINE SHOPPING: I also wanted to put a bit of Angeline's "cute, lovable mom" side at the beginning. She seems like the kind of mom who would be excited to go school supply shopping for her precious boys' first year of "normal" school (pft, as if Hogwarts could ever be normal…graduation rate = survival rate). Unfortunately, Muggles are not very popular in the wizarding world, so she is staying behind while the boys go off to find their more unusual supplies with their father.**

 **DIAGON ALLEY: This also foreshadows a trip to Diagon Alley. Artemis Senior hadn't been to the wizarding world in a while, but going there might give us an idea of his reputation there, eh? ;) Artemis will have to go and get some supplies, too. A teacher must be prepared for his own class, after all!**

 **FARMING KNIGHTS: Have you heard of Barnes & Noble bookstores? I took what the name reminds me of (barns and nobles) and adapted it into Farming Knights.**

 **I do not own Harry Potter (the Cursed Child wouldn't exist if I did), nor do I own Artemis Fowl or Barnes & Noble.**


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9: TRAIN OF THOUGHT

The Fowl men decided to fly to England, board a train, and head the rest of the way to London by train. Beckett looked like a canary among ravens, sitting with his father and brothers. He and Myles have never been to Great Britain before, but his father and Artemis have.

Beckett stared out the windows. He and Myles sat next to each other, with Beckett in the window seat. Artemis sat across from him, and their father was across from Myles.

"…they say he's gone now, so perhaps it really is safe," Beckett tuned in to reality to find he had missed out on something his father said!

"Wait!" he exclaimed, "I wasn't listening."

"That's _your_ fault, Beck," Myles scolded him. "Don't worry, though, cuz I'll fill you in later." He lightly elbowed Beckett in the ribs. "It was _super_ interesting, too!"

"I hope you pay better attention than that in my class, Beckett," Artemis frowned at him.

"We never do," Myles stuck out his tongue.

"Yeah, we don't," Beckett did the same.

"Boys," their father commanded their attention just by his voice, "respect your brother from now on. Once you all leave home, his authority is mine."

"Yes, dad," the twins agreed submissively.

He had charisma, and hearts rose and fell with his own. With a single gesture, he could send a room into ringing laughter or sobered silence. Myles and Beckett only knew about their family's history from what their brother told them…but Beckett felt like there was something they were never told about their family. No matter how much they grilled Artemis, he never told them much about their parents' pasts from before their dad went missing.

"…to Ollivanders for wands," Beckett missed his father's speeches again!

"Psst," he whispered to Myles, too embarrassed to let the others know he zoned out again, "What did he say?"

"Excuse me," Myles raised a hand, blushing slightly, "this time, _I_ wasn't listening."

This time, their brother and father both sighed, but neither one seemed too upset.

"I understood, Father," Professor Fowl said comfortingly, "and the map you gave me will be most helpful."

"I know, Junior, but I'd better tell them again, just in case," their dad turned in his seat to face them more directly. He leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees—one real, one prosthetic. His dark blue eyes were serious as death. There was a moment of silence…

"One, two, three, eyes on me," he said while keeping a straight face. The twins couldn't help laughing, but their brother just lifted an eyebrow, clearly thinking such behavior was beneath a Fowl man. Noticing the latter's reaction, Myles cleared his throat and straightened his back, now wearing a more sophisticated face. "Really, though, this is what we're doing," Their dad seemed not to notice Myles' sudden shift. "First, we're heading to Gringott's—an ultra-security bank… _not even the most skilled criminal_ should think of robbing it." He gave a sideways glance at Artemis when he said that, even though the Fowls have been clean for longer than Myles and Beckett have been alive. Artemis was just gazing out the window absently. "There, we'll make a withdrawal and a deposit.

"Next, you two will accompany me through Diagon Alley to buy all your supplies, except for what your mother's getting while she's in Asia. Your brother already knows where he needs to go for his own things, so I'll let him handle that himself. He'll meet us in Ollivanders, where we'll be getting your wands. Got all that?"

"Um…" Beckett was a bit confused with all this information.

"Sure thi—I mean, yes, Dad," Myles always looked up to their brother, but lately he was trying to be a little more like him. This worried Beckett—one bossy stick in the mud was bad enough (though he did like sticks and mud)!

Soon enough, the train pulled into the station in London. As they got off the train, Myles leaned over and whispered to Beckett.

"Don't worry if you're confused. Just follow me and Dad."

Beckett nodded absently, his mind in a million places at once.

 **It's this story turn to get updated! Yippee! Here, I decided to devote a chapter to some Beckett time! He strikes me as the kind of person whose attention wanders often, and this basically acquaints us with his mind a little more.**

 **Note to self: Be careful when referring to both Artemises (Artemi?) at once.**

 **NEWS: I actually borrowed the first Harry Potter book from the library** _ **just for the sake of writing fanfiction**_ **. I figured, if I'm going to use the Harry Potter universe so much, I might as well read the books instead of relying on the Internet and my memory of the movies. THIS IS FOR YOU 3 (by the way, my favorite book character is** _ **Mrs. Figg**_ **).**

 **I was texting some friends my commentary during the first couple of chapters. Shall I write it down for you, as well?**

 **You know what…I think I will! I can literally type prominent thoughts as I read the story and, without context, put them in a separate "story".**

 **Is that allowed?**

 **I'll look into it.**

 **I do not own Harry Potter. I also do not own Artemis Fowl.**

 **READERS: Do you prefer Rowling's Mrs. Figg, Colfer's random waitress Artemis terrified once, or my own Dana Dandy? All are random blip characters, but which is your favorite random blip character? Honestly, Dandy was kind of molded to fit with Colfer's flavor, but oh, well.**


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10: WELCOME BACK, MR. FOWL

"Here we are," Artemis Fowl Senior announced to his sons proudly. His eyes were shining with the excitement of finally sharing the world of magic. "This place is well-known and very important."

It was an old, unkempt pub. Artemis the Second looked up at a rusty sign, feeling like his eyes were at risk of tetanus.

THE LEAKY CAULDRON

 _Leaky, indeed,_ he thought. The young billionaire had no doubt the place had leaks. Pests, too. He held his tongue, though, out of consideration for his father.

"Is this really some kind of portal?" Myles inquired, tugging on his father's sleeve.

"That's right," he responded brightly. He leaned down, making his voice sound the kind of spooky that was not, by any means, spooky. "Do you dare enter?"

"You bet!" Beckett pumped his fist in the air. "What about you, Artemis?"

"I am ready for anything, Beckett," Artemis smirked. Indeed, he had already thought of every possible scenario awaiting them. One could never be too prepared when it came to magic. _It's just unfortunate my experiments had no noticeable effect._

The young adult genius, as he now preferred to be called, tried a few things to trigger any magic in him. he now knew his ancestors had their own human magic, so he tried triggering that ancestral power with a small transfusion using Myles' blood (since the Little Man owed him a favor and had his blood type), but nothing happened. He still had the Faerie magic he stole some time ago, which he renewed every once in a while, using their methods. Perhaps that would suffice. He still felt nothing, but that was no cause for alarm yet.

"In that case, let's go! Just stay close to me, alright?" Artemis Senior led the three brothers into the Leaky Cauldron. It was stuffy and smelled like smoke. It was also nearly empty, save for two men and the bartender. The bartender was a bald, wrinkly old man. He flashed them a toothless grin, but his welcome froze on his thin lips when he saw the father of the bunch.

"Is that—Is that Artemis Fowl I'm seeing?"

"Hello, Tom," Artemis Senior smiled charmingly at the old man. "It's been too long."

"Well, bless my soul," Tom scurried from behind the bar to shake his hand enthusiastically. He seemed very emotional. "Where'd you disappear to all this time?"

"That's a long story, but allow me to introduce my sons," the prodigal wizard looked so happy, Artemis could hardly believe this was the same father he grew up with. Tom was still shaking his hand as he listed off their names. "My oldest, Artemis—named after me, of course—and the twins, Myles and Beckett."

"Takes after his mother, does he?" Tom referred to Beckett, of course. "What a day this is turning out to be! First The-Boy-Who-Lived, and now—"

"The-Boy-Who-Lived?" Artemis Senior searched the pub, "He was here?"

"Just fifteen minutes ago!" Another man—short and wearing a top hat—chirped excitedly from a nearby chair. "He remembered me! He remembered little old Dedalus Diggle."

"He's been saying that the past fifteen minutes, too," Tom chuckled. "And I can't blame him for it, either."

"Harry Potter remembered me," Mr. Diggle whispered happily, beaming like his face was etched in stars.

"So…is Vold—I mean, is You-Know-Who really gone?" Artemis Senior whispered. Artemis the Second listened intently, remembering the last time he thought an enemy was defeated. He didn't even notice the twins wandering off.

"I believe it," Tom said with conviction. "I say that boy, Harry Potter, is living proof!"

"That makes me so relieved," Artemis Senior sighed. "I went into hiding because a friend of mine joined his cause, and I wanted no part of it."

 _Should Father really have said that?_ Artemis the Second felt his eye twitch. He would have expected greater discretion from his own family, especially on the subject of his hiding.

"That explains a lot," Tom nodded, "You were in Slytherin at Hogwarts, weren't you?"

"Yes, I was. Unfortunately, my house was where most Death Eaters came from."

"Well, you certainly give them a better name! I never met a finer man than you, save for James Potter."

"I remember him," Artemis Senior shook his head fondly. "I never stood a chance against him in Quidditch."

"You never stood a change against anyone in Quidditch," Tom laughed good-naturedly. "So, what brings you here now, of all days?"

"The twins are going to Hogwarts this year, and we were just—" That's when all three adults noticed the twins weren't there. "Boys? Boys!"

"Here we are, Dad!" they chorused. They were sitting next to Mr. Diggle.

"Guess what, Dad," Beckett told him, "That boy—What was his name, again?"

"Harry Potter," Myles and Mr. Diggle answered in unison.

"Right. He's going to Hogwarts, too."

"And that man over there," Myles gestured over to a pale, twitchy man reading in a corner, "is a professor at Hogwarts, just like you, Artemis."

"Your boy's a professor?" Tom asked incredulously, "But he must be so young, and I don't remember hearing of him before today."

"Yes, I am a professor," Artemis decided to speak up for himself, as he hated being talked about like he wasn't there. "I am also, admittedly, quite young. I only hope my knowledge can speak for itself."

"Oh, I see. Just like your father, you are. A fine professor you'll be, I'm sure! What subject do you teach?"

"History of Magic," Artemis stated proudly. It was truly a fascinating subject, especially when aligned with Faerie history in the Muggle realm. Of course, he had to keep that side of history a secret…which made it even more fascinating. _It is as if I'm stealing History itself from multiple worlds._ Humans couldn't know about faeries, faeries and Muggles couldn't know about wizards, and most faeries and wizards were relatively ignorant of Muggle history, but here Artemis was, knowing about all of them at once.

"You should speak to Quirrell. Your confidence could rub off on him, eh?"

"Thank you," Artemis bowed to Tom. "I think I will. Father, could I skip Gringott's and just meet you at Ollivanders? I'd like to speak with my fellow teacher."

"Sure thing, son. See you then." Truth be told, Artemis Senior was a little relieved his eldest didn't seem interested in Gringott's, after all. The spark in his eyes when told about it was enough of a warning to his old man—it was best to keep the boy away from temptation. _Why did I have to raise him like that?_ He groaned internally. He refocused on Tom. "As good as it is to see you again, we really should be going. I'll be sure to visit again soon."

"Right. I'm so glad to see you're doing well, Artemis. Everyone said you'd gone to You-Know-Who, you see, but I knew better. You were never half as bad as all that. Well—off you go, then!" The bald bartender nodded to the twins with twinkling eyes looking like beads set in wrinkled brown paper. "Good luck at Hogwarts. You'll have a blast there!"

"Thank you, sir," the twins bowed respectfully, remembering Artemis' etiquette lessons.

They sort of regretted leaving the Leaky Cauldron behind, especially since their brother was still there, but that was soon amended once they stepped foot into a strange, bustling marketplace.

 **SURPRISE! BECAUSE I'VE BORROWED THE BOOK NOW, I'LL BE UPDATING THIS ONE WITH SPECIAL FREQUENCY! HAPPY ADVENT!**

 **REPUTATION: So, there you have it. Their dad was a member of Slytherin. Some people thought he disappeared because he joined the Death Eaters, but some people—like Tom—knew him better than that. I figured that even though he inherited a Muggle criminal empire, Angeline may not have fallen for him unless she saw goodness in him, too. So, everyone probably didn't know what to see him as when he was in Hogwarts.**

 **HOUSE CHOICE: Why Slytherin? Many reasons. He was ambitious, and he was willing to do almost anything to get what he wanted (hello, criminal emperor). In addition, his being in Slytherin would contribute to why some might have suspected his reasons for vanishing. It also accounted for why/how he got so tangled in the whole Death Eater mess.**

 **How did he stay up to date on news? He had his ways, I'm sure. Maybe he might start receiving mail owls directly again, now that the coast is clear (haha…right…).**

" **Takes after his mother": Angeline has brown hair, not blonde…but it's not like Tom would know that, since Artemis Senior never revealed whom he married. He went into hiding specifically** _ **because**_ **he knew there'd have been trouble if his Death Eater "friend" found out about her. All Tom could see was the others looked like him, and suddenly there was a curly blonde among his offspring.**

 **Tom: That's his name. I kept thinking of Tom Riddle whenever I wrote it. Rowling, you monster.**

" **fellow teacher": Spoiler alert: it's Quirrell. I kept thinking of "squirrel" whenever I wrote that. Well played, Rowling…well played.**

 **ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm posting my commentary on the first HP book as a separate story. Go ahead and check it out!**

 **I do not own Harry Potter or Artemis Fowl.**


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11: A TALE OF TWO PROFESSORS

"Good day," Artemis greeted the twitchy professor in the corner. The man practically jumped out of his skin. "My apologies for interrupting your reading. Might you be Professor Quirrell?" The Squib genius eyed his fellow instructor coolly. _Not what I would expect,_ he remarked with some disappointment.

"Y-y-yes, I am," Quirrell stammered back. "And—if you d-don't m-m-mind my asking—who are you?"

"Professor Fowl. I expect we'll be seeing each other often. May I disturb you longer, or should I leave you to your reading?" Artemis was trying to be civil. If there was one thing he learned from the world of business, it was that connections were important everywhere. Gold was not the only power in existence.

To his surprise, Quirrell eagerly set down his book—Artemis read the title, _A Compendium of Dark Creatures_ —and motioned to the seat across from him. The two teachers sat at a small round table.

 _Come to think of it,_ Artemis noticed, _he hardly looks any older than me_. He knew from his recent studies on history that wizards had extremely long lifespans, so he still dared not ask his new colleague's age. Instead he asked, "What subject are you teaching, Quirrell?"

"D-Defense Against the D-D-Dark Arts," he murmured. If Artemis was pale from lack of sunlight, this man was pale from constant fear. "B-but let's not talk about me," he quickly changed the subject. "What about you, P-P-Professor Fowl?"

"History of Magic. I must say, it is quite fascinating. Of course, your specialty sounds highly interesting, as well," Artemis had been practicing casual conversation ever since his security company became a big deal. Over time, he became more comfortable being himself, and that actually helped. Now, though, he wondered if that was enough. Quirrell was constantly fidgeting, and he had an eye twitch, to boot. "I hope you don't mind if I sit in on your classes from time to time." _There, I used a contraction. Surely, that must help him relax!_ Unfortunately, he was wrong.

"I'm f-f-flattered," Quirrell seemed bashful, but it also sounded like he really didn't want to talk about his own subject. "I've c-considered switching over to a different…N-Neverm-mind." His voice trailed off. Artemis lifted an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything.

 _Will he really be teaching my brothers Defense Against the Dark Arts?_ Artemis was unsure whether he should laugh or tremble at the thought of that. He could picture Myles and Beckett trying to fend off werewolves with this man's stutter, and he almost burst out laughing. _I can simply learn about it and help them, if Quirrell proves inadequate._

"W-was that your f-f-family just now?"

"Yes. My brothers will be attending our school," Artemis leaned back and steepled his fingers subconsciously. "I have been their private teacher ever since they were toddlers, so I take great pride in their intellect. I must warn you, though, they can be a handful. Just let me know if they give you any trouble at all…Um…" He was never one to say 'um', but he noticed Quirrell went corpse-white. "Professor Quirrell?" Artemis furrowed his brow. "Shall I get help? You seem unwell."

"N-n-no! I m-m-mean…" his stutter got worse, and he was shaking like a leaf, "I-I think I'll g-g-go m-m-mys-self. Th-thank you." He scrambled to pick up his book and, for some reason, pulled out his wand. He was trembling so much, Artemis couldn't get a good look at it. "G-G-Goodbye, P-P-Professor F-Fowl." Quirrell backed out of the Leaky Cauldron, managing to hold his wand up like he was prepared to use it.

 _What an odd professor,_ Artemis frowned. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Tom," he called across the pub to the bartender, "but I must be on my way, as well."

 **Quirrell…Quirrell the Squirrel XD. I just realized how he's so nervous at the mention of Dark Arts ever since trying to gain practical experience, and I thought it would be perfect to watch him interact with Artemis, whose core persona may remind several people of dark forces! I might almost be sad when it comes time to…never mind.**

" **D-Defense Against the D-D-Dark Arts": This is exactly how Rowling wrote it when he answered Harry's question, "What sort of magic do you teach, Professor Quirrell?" in the book.**

 **By the way, does anyone here talk or act a bit like Artemis? I…I realized when writing this that I do sometimes…most of the time, actually…BUT I do not seem to give off the same air as him. I tend to be formal and behave a bit like him, but I'm also sweet and somewhat bubbly, so it's hard for anyone to be scared of me :). I like it that way, too! I also use contractions more frequently, though I usually like to do so depending on how it flows with surrounding words and situational context.**

 **QUESTION: Are you more like Artemis or Professor Quirrell? How so?**


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12: VAULT OF DISCOVERIES

 _Three up, two across…tap three times._ Myles decided to memorize the combination his father had used to open the brick portal into Diagon Alley. There was a twisty cobblestone street weaving its way through a great many fascinating shops. He and Beckett drank in the whole scene with their eyes, trying to absorb everything at once.

"Look at those cool pots!" Beckett tapped Myles on the shoulder and pointed.

"Cauldrons, Beckett," their father corrected.

"Can I get a golden one?" Myles asked. He loved the way those were shimmering like little suns.

"I want a big iron one!" Beckett bounced a bit on his heels. "Imagine the stuff I could do with it!"

"Maybe _after_ you learn more about how to use them," Artemis Senior appreciated his sons' enthusiasm. "For now, your lists call for pewter cauldrons, size two. Now, let's get to Gingott's so we can get shopping sooner."

"Owls!" Beckett gawked at all the species of owl available at Eeylops Owl Emporium.

"D'you think Mom will get us owls?" Myles stared right with him.

"She knows what we like," said Beckett. "I'm hoping for a toad."

"I'm fine with anything. Now, let's go!"

"Yeah! What are you waiting for, Dad?" With that, Beckett grabbed Myles and their father both by the hand and started leading them through the throng of people in the alley. "Which way is that bank?"

"Just keep following the road, son," Artemis Senior laughed. "You can't miss it."

In almost no time at all—much sooner than expected—the father and sons made it to the front of a majestic building. It was massive compared to the others, and it was pristinely white in color. The doors appeared to be made of bronze, and strange-looking people wore uniforms of scarlet and gold.

"Wow…" Beckett breathed. "It's way cooler than other banks." The strange people bowed to them as they passed through the bronze doors, which opened to reveal a set of spotless silver doors.

"And look at that up there," Myles nodded to an engraved poem on those new doors.

 _Enter, stranger, but take heed_

 _Of what awaits the sin of greed,_

 _For those who take, but do not earn,_

 _Must pay most dearly in their turn._

 _So if you seek beneath our floors_

 _A treasure that was never yours,_

 _Thief, you have been warned, beware_

 _Of finding more than treasure there._

"What happens if you try to rob this place?" Beckett wondered aloud.

"Death, or something close to it," their dad responded with certainty.

"How d'you know?" Myles asked.

"Well, I tried it once," for the first time in their lives, the Fowl twins did a double take.

"What?" they both reacted at once. Their dad nodded nonchalantly.

"I got sucked into the vault I tried to open. Thankfully, it had been ten years since the last time they checked it for attempted robbers, so I only starved in there for a couple of days."

"But…why would _you_ rob a bank?" Myles was trying to wrap his head around this. " _Artemis_ went criminal because he wanted to restore our fortune—You were already rich!"

"Oh, he never told you?" Artemis Senior furrowed his brow. "I'm so sorry, but I'll have to explain later. Right now, hush. These goblins are always very suspicious."

Myles pursed his lips, and Beckett furrowed his brow. They exchanged a glance and drifted closer to each other, but otherwise stayed silent. Their father would tell them everything, after all.

As they crossed a marble floor to a goblin at a counter, they hardly noticed the hundreds of employees at work, or the vast multitude of doors. To their left, there was a very large, wild-looking man with a boy next to him talking to a different goblin than theirs.

The twins weren't listening to anything in particular, but for some reason it caught their attention when the large man said "vault seven hundred and thirteen".

 _Wonder if that's the vault Dad tried to rob,_ Myles thought sardonically. _Why didn't Artemis tell us?_ Their brother made it sound like he was the only criminal in the family… _Did he think we couldn't handle knowing it?_ Without realizing it, Myles was scowling. Feeling Beckett's warm hand on his shoulder, he relaxed and focused on the present moment.

"Right, then. Here's the whole pile's worth, minus one." The goblin handed them the silk pouch their dad used for carrying valuable things like gold and jewels. The bank clerk narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You seem familiar…"

"My first year at Hogwarts. I'm still grateful for the second chance Griphook gave me," Artemis Senior seemed slightly flustered. "Please tell him I _did_ turn over a new leaf."

"Hmm…Will do," the goblin sniffed. "Next!" he announced.

"So, Dad" Myles began the interrogation as soon as they left the bank, "What didn't Artemis tell us?"

"I want to know, too," Beckett joined him.

"Well, boys, that's a bit of a long story. It's also one I'd rather keep a family secret. I'll tell you both when we're safely back at the manor. Until then…would you mind forgetting that, just a little?" Seeing the looks on their faces, their father smiled sadly at them. "I don't want this to ruin your day."

Myles and Beckett looked into each other's eyes, communicating by sheer looks. This was their 'silent twin conference', as Myles called it (Beckett preferred 'twin-power-speak'). After a while, they sighed and agreed to be happy waiting for an answer.

"But you hafta buy us ice cream," Myles demanded, like it was the only reasonable payment for a transaction of this sort. Beckett nodded vigorously. Relieved, their father promised he would.

 _Myles thinks of everything!_ He felt so lucky to have a smart twin like that!

"So, boys, what do you say we get you fitted for your uniforms?" Their dad directed their gazes to Madame Malkin's Robes for All Occassions. "I suggest we get that done first, so it's out of the way."

"Pointy hats and robes, here we come," Beckett smiled impishly at Myles. He knew the 'Little Man', as their brother called him, usually like to dress up in suits.

"'S probably considered _like_ a suit here…Right, Dad?"

But their dad only shepherded them towards the robe shop without answering. Myles frowned, while Beckett snickered.

 **CHAPTER TITLE: Yes, it is a** _ **Chamber of Secrets**_ **reference.**

 **CHILDHOOD THIEVERY: Imagine a young heir to an empire of thieves. Itching to prove himself, he commits a foolish mistake in his youth.**

 **GRIPHOOK: That's the name of the goblin who took Harry and Hagrid down to the vaults.**

 **TEN YEARS: Griphook said that's how often they check vault 713 for poor saps who tried opening it (paraphrasing, of course). Those poor saps get sucked into the vault and trapped in it.**

" _ **Wonder if that's the vault Dad tried to steal**_ **from": Yes, that's the vault Arty the First tried to steal from.**

 **TO THE LEFT: Yes, that was Hagrid and Harry. In the book, the goblin to their right was weighing a pile of large rubies. I made those rubies belong to the Fowls.**

 **THE TRANSACTION: As you can tell, they exchanged the pile of rubies for wizard currency (except one ruby, which Artemis Senior kept).**

 **WHERE'S ARTEMIS, AND HOW IS HE PAYING? Wouldn't you like to know? ;)**

 **ROBE FITTING: By the time Harry showed up for his fitting, others from Hogwarts had already shown up, and Malfoy was in the middle of his own fitting. Thus, I made the Fowls exit the bank while Harry and Hagrid were still in the vaults. Will they see Malfoy and Potter? Maybe, maybe not.**

 **I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ARTEMIS FOWL. DON'T SEAL ME AWAY FOR TEN YEARS.**


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13: BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER

"Professor Quirrell," Artemis Fowl II was surprised to find the twitchy professor at the book store, although he would have admitted it was a likely scenario. "Shopping for the latest books in your subject, I presume." Quirrell whipped around, a copy of _Vampires: A Bloodthirsty Guide_ clutched in his jittery hands.

"F-F-Fowl!" he exclaimed. Realizing his reaction, he cast his eyes down. "F-F-Forgive m-me," he mumbled, scurrying past. "I have to g-go. G-G-Good day."

Artemis rolled his eyes and let the man go. He hoped all Hogwarts professors weren't like that. Skimming the books on the shelf in front of him, he was fascinated by every single one of them. Even the bindings were peculiar—the young man could have sworn he heard a growl from a particularly mean-looking one!

"Hello, young man," he heard a man's voice behind him, "I believe you are blocking a book I need."

"My apologies," Artemis moved out of the way. The newcomer wore dark robes and had long, straight hair of pale blonde.

"You know how it is," the man said, examining a copy of _The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection_ as if to make sure it was worth buying. "School supply shopping. My son is entering Hogwarts this year."

"Is that so?" _So, this is a parent I might deal with._

"Only the best education will do for _my_ offspring." He turned with the book in his hand, revealing a narrow face. "And what, pray tell, brings you here?"

"I happen to be the History of Magic professor at Hogwarts. I decided to browse the other material here while gathering the latest in my own subject."

"In that case, I am pleased to meet you," the parent smiled smoothly, corruption written all over his features. "My name is Lucius Malfoy. I'm certain my boy, Draco, will be a most excellent student. Excellence runs in our family, of course."

"In that case, I hope he is even more excellent by the year's end," Artemis remarked coolly, "as I never settle for less than significant improvement in my students." He wanted to make it clear he was a serious teacher. _Besides,_ he judged, _I doubt he will be the only "excellent" student this year._

"Of course," Lucius Malfoy nodded, "I would expect no less, Professor…?"

"Fowl," the young man extended a white hand. As Lucius took it, there was something in his eyes Artemis did not like.

"Would you be a relative of Artemis Fowl, by any chance?"

"Artemis!" Myles, to Artemis' surprise, made his way over to him from the store's entrance. "Beck 'n' I decided to have Mum alter our robes, so we get to spend more time lookin' at other stuff." The eleven year-old genius noticed the strange man and blushed a bit. "My apologies if I interrupted," he addressed both the adults.

"Myles," their father and Beckett caught up to him, "don't dash ahead like that aga—Lucius?" Artemis Senior raised an eyebrow. Apparently, he recognized the stranger.

"Artemis," Lucius had a similar reaction. "I wondered what happened to you."

"Many things," his peer replied. "As a matter of fact, my sons and I were just buying supplies today."

"What a coincidence. My son just set out for Madame Malkin's for a fitting, and my wife is searching for the perfect wand to get him," Though their outer behaviors seemed sociable enough, suspicion was clear on both ends of this new conversation. "Speaking of wives, is yours here? I would love to meet her."

"Perhaps some other time. For now, though, I must be going somewhere. Why don't you three boys shop together for a while?" That was a graceful way for Artemis Senior to leave before Mr. Malfoy continued asking questions.

"Of course, Father," Artemis agreed without complaint. _Has trouble found us already?_ he wondered. It seemed every time he unlocked an interesting new frontier, some sort of mess always had to ensue. _Commander Kelp should just give me his name. I deserve it more._

"I must be off, as well," Lucius sighed as if he really didn't want to let them go so easily. "This was the last item I needed." He nodded to the three boys, "It was my pleasure to meet you. If you find yourselves in need of anything, simply let me know." They returned the gesture, and both Lucius and Artemis Senior headed for the door, heading in opposite directions once they exited the bookshop.

"I don't like that guy," Beckett remarked plainly.

"He mentioned his son," Myles remembered. "Maybe we can pick on him, like we do Beau sometimes."

"Do that, and I will give you detention," Professor Fowl warned them.

"Retention?" Beckett tilted his head to the side.

"Detention, simple-toon," Myles corrected him, only to look up inquiringly at Atemis. "What's detention?"

"A very serious punishment only teachers can give out." Artemis wasn't too sure about the 'very serious' part, but it was enough for the twins to decide avoiding it. "In any case, all your books are on me this time," Artemis pulled a midnight blue pouch from his formal navy jacket's inner pocket.

 **How many times must I say it before Fanfiction believes me? I DO NOT OWN ARTEMIS FOWL OR HARRY POTTER. IF I DID, THESE STORIES WOULD NOT BE POSTED HERE. THEY WOULD BE CANON.**


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14: STRAIGHT AND NARROW

"How did you get that?" Beckett narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You'd better not have—"

"It's my own money, of course," Artemis crossed his heart. He winked at Myles with his hazel eye. "Care to guess how I came to have it, though, Little Man?"

Myles took the pouch and scrutinized the golden Knuts in it. He pursed his lips, thinking. Artemis could not have gotten it from Gringott's—he didn't even know how to get to the wizarding world before that day!

 _Of course!_ A memory hit him like a ton of bricks. "Dad's coin collection!" Their father had an album full of all sorts of coins, but there were some not even the inquisitive Myles Fowl or the omniscient Artemis Fowl II could name.

Artemis nodded and tucked away the pouch. It was obvious they were not to breathe a word of this to anyone. Beckett rolled his eyes and shook his head in disapproval, but Myles couldn't help admiring his ingenuity. Those Knucks were exactly like the ones they just obtained from the bank, and he made them in such a short time. _Come to think of it,_ Myles had another recollection, this time of when he was digging through the old things Artemis gave him once. _Artemis had the mold for them already made._ With some annoyance, Myles realized he had forgotten about that because he thought it was a useless toy for replicating useless coins. _He thought that, too,_ he reminded himself, _but he just thinks like a greedy criminal._

Still, it bothered him that Artemis didn't confide in him as much as he thought. Sure, he knew him better than their parents did, but he never told them about their dad's past, and he didn't tell them about his scheme to forge wizard currency (although they totally would've told on him if they knew).

"We're _not_ using that, Arty," Beckett used their mother's nickname for Artemis.

"I suppose you have a point," Artemis sighed. "Sorry about that."

"Apology accepted," Myles extended a hand seriously, and Artemis shook it. The twins took it upon themselves to correct their elder brother whenever he felt tempted to go criminal again…even if Myles sometimes wished he could beat the mastermind at his own games.

With the matter of payment resolved, the Fowl brothers went through the shop and gathered two copies of each book on their lists. Artemis focused on speed-reading through some of the history books, but his gaze wandered to the Defense Against the Dark Arts section between each one he picked up. Myles wasn't sure how he would ever choose a favorite subject, until he found a book about cursing and counter-cursing. Even Beckett, who preferred any physical activity over reading, was enthralled by _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ by Newt Scamander.

"Can we just buy the whole store?" Myles gushed over the Charms section.

"Mm…" Artemis wasn't paying attention. He finished flipping through a tiny silk volume about a prominent figure in the Goblin Wars, then pulled out some key books he wanted to keep, as well as a copy of the one his students would have to read. "Shall we pay for what we need and move on?"

 **Sibling relationships have always been an important emphasis whenever I write about them, so I simply enjoyed going more in-depth with the Fowls here! Their differences and similarities are among the most fascinating elements about them, in my opinion.**

 **BECKETT'S INTERESTS: He may not be anything like his two genius brothers, but having grown up with them, I figured he would still be smarter than the average boy without realizing it. His prowess in the books was mainly physical, so I'm keeping that element of his physical talents being equivalent to his brothers' mental talents; however, I also remember his fascination with animals—particularly the broad variety known as "bugs". Because of this, I decided to make his interests align with physical skills he can learn (like in the last Artemis Fowl book, when he remarks Butler called him a natural fighter), as well as animals (or in this case, magical creatures).**

 **MYLES' INTERESTS: The way he's written in the original books, it seems Myles has even greater potential than Artemis II. Basically, he was written as Artemis times ten. In keeping with this, I made his curiosity that way, too. As for why I drew his attention to charms, it made sense to me that he would be interested in something he could use more often than the other subjects. He was always notorious for pulling tricks on Artemis—other than experimenting, it might be his favorite activity—so imagine what he could do if he gains sufficient knowledge of charms and other spells!**

" **Can we just buy the whole store?": I myself have said this on multiple occasions. Don't pretend you haven't ;P.**

 **ARTEMIS' INTERESTS: Of course, he's going to learn all he can about history to become a good teacher in his field…but think of how useful he would find Defense Against the Dark Arts! This would be for two reasons: first of all, he's encountered a lot of danger when dealing with magic, and it makes sense he would grow up wanting to be prepared for more; secondly, his first impression of Quirrell left him wondering if the man was going to be an adequate enough teacher for his siblings, so the school subject itself is now on his mind.**

 **GOBLIN REBELLIONS: The Goblin Rebellions are a prominent event in wizarding history which is included in the fourth years' curriculum at Hogwarts (according to the Wiki).**

 **SPEED REEADING: People can train themselves to be speed readers, even without genius-level intellect. I can imagine Artemis being a speed reader, though I can't recall if that was canon or not.**

 **I do not own Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter.**


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15: JUST DESSERTS

 _Just my luck,_ Artemis Senior had his first stress-induced headache in a while, _I go shopping with my boys, and Lucius pops up right away._ He assumed all the Death Eaters had been caught with Voldemort gone, but apparently it was not so. _And now he wants to know about Angeline!_

Lucius was the former friend who joined the Dark Lord's anti-Muggle cause. Obviously, there would be trouble if he found out Mrs. Fowl was a Muggle.

 _He might've changed,_ the worried man hoped, _but it's best to avoid him for now._ He found himself approaching Eeylops. There was a snow-white owl in a beautiful cage, and a large man was contemplating it with interest. "Rubeus Hagrid!"

Indeed, there was no mistaking the giantesque profile, the wild black hair, or the old umbrella he carried. Hagrid turned around to see who called him. His eyes widened when he saw who it was, and Artemis immediately found himself enveloped in a giant bear hug.

"Well, if it isn't the one an' only Artemis Fowl!" Hagrid exclaimed. "Where yeh been this whole time? I thought somethin' terrible mighta happened to yeh."

"Life is a crazy thing, Hagrid," Artemis chuckled. At least this friend was trustworthy. "My two younger sons are going to Hogwarts this year. Are you still the gamekeeper?"

"That I am," he could have sworn Hagrid wiped away a tear before puffing out his chest proudly. "As a matter o' fact, I'm here on official Hogwarts business."

"Is that so? Let me guess…" the former criminal emperor thought back to what he heard that day, "are you with Harry Potter? I heard he's in the area."

"That I am," Hagrid nodded, "He's a right sweet kid, an' it's his birthday, so I figured I'd get him a gift." He motioned to the snowy owl. "What do you think about this here owl?"

"I'm sure he'd love it, but I think it would be fun to take him here and let him choose one himself," Artemis Senior said. It really was a beautiful owl, though. "I'd love to meet Mr. Potter sometime."

"You an' James did have a weird relationship goin' on," Hagrid reminisced. "Yeh were always makin' trouble fer each other."

"I'd like to think of us as friendly rivals. Anyways, it's because of his son that I came back right now."

"That so? What happened?"

"You-Know-Who's forces were getting too close for comfort, and that's why I decided to disappear for a while. By the way…" this was his chance to ask something important, "why is Lucius still around? Weren't the Dark Lord's followers apprehended?"

"Aye, most of 'em were, but Lucius and some others say they were under a spell."

"Hm…" Mr. Fowl still didn't feel right about Lucius.

"I still don't know why yeh'd ever associate with the likes of him," Hagrid added, waving his umbrella a bit. "Yeh were always too nice ter the likes of me for 'em." Indeed, it was Artemis Fowl Senior who had the idea to turn Hagrid's broken wand into a magical umbrella, and he offered the gamekeeper higher-paying jobs multiple times.

"For power's sake, Hagrid," Artemis smiled, "but my days of chasing power are gone now."

"Glad ter hear it!" Hagrid said with conviction. "I'd better get ter buyin' some ice cream, so's he can have it after his robe-fittin'."

"I was just about to get my sons ice cream," Artemis remembered the promise he made to the twins. "Shall we go together?"

"Sure thing, Fowl!" Hagrid threw his arm around him, and the two went to the ice cream parlor. Artemis Senior felt much lighter after this conversation. He was in such good spirits, he insisted on buying Hagrid and Harry jumbo-sized cones in addition to his sons' ice cream sundaes.

 **PERSONAL AFFILIATIONS: though he obviously hung out with the lofty pureblood crowds, he never truly considered them real "friends", since he did that mainly for power. So, he had no problem reaching out to people they would have considered "inferior". This was more a lowkey thing, done mainly by charitable acts and—in the case of James Potter and his crew—rivalries he secretly found fun. In Hagrid's case, Artemis Senior felt really bad for him when he got expelled, and it was his idea to have his broken wand put into an umbrella. Artemis Senior also occasionally protected Hagrid from being abused or degraded by elitists. Hagrid was very grateful for this, which explains his joyful reaction to seeing him again.**

 **As for James Potter, that is explained a little bit in the next chapter.**

 **Despite not interacting as closely or as frequently with Hagrid as he did with Lucius, Artemis Senior—especially now—would choose him over Lucius as a friend any day. It's a little sad to me, that he spent time associating with someone he now wishes he hadn't, while not spending enough time with the people who would've been** _ **true**_ **friends.**

 **I do not own Harry Potter or Artemis Fowl.**


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16: CROSSING PATHS

After buying the books, Artemis Junior decided to take his brothers to buy parchment and writing utensils. Some of the inks were quite fascinating to the twins, but he just shook his head after looking around for a while.

"No binders, no pencils…" he sighed. "Why is everything so arcane?"

"This quill writes on its own!" Beckett gawked at it, ignoring his brother's negativity.

"This parchment makes writing disappear and reappear on demand!" Myles was equally fascinated.

"Forget the bookstore," Beckett remarked. "We should buy the whole marketplace!"

 _That's actually not a bad idea,_ Artemis thought. _Imagine the revenue._

The boys both got normal-looking ink and paper, but Beckett's ink smelled like smoke, and Myles got the parchment he pointed out. Artemis, wanting to have a bit of fun, selected ink designed to appear almost exactly like blood. He imagined grading with it and watching his students' faces when they receive feedback. Myles and Beckett agreed to play along, excited to scare their future classmates. He also got a quill which could write on anything, including air.

When the three brothers exited the store, they found their father holding two ice cream cones and a lollipop.

 _D'Arvit,_ Artemis the Second cursed internally in Gnommish. He guessed who the lollipop was for.

"I know you're not crazy about ice cream, Artemis," his father smiled after handing the twins the cones, "so I got you this instead."

"Thank you, Father," Artemis forced himself to accept it.

"Holly told me you like lollipops, so I figured you might enjoy it."

Artemis reminded himself to get revenge on Captain Short as soon as possible. She was responsible for checking in on the Fowls regularly, or so he assumed. Her visits were on too regular a basis, she always claimed to not have anything else to do, and he sometimes caught her trying to enter the lab.

It still baffled him how the L.E.P. never wiped his entire family's memory clean. Was his mother just that convincing? Looking back at how she got him to wear jeans and call her "Mum", Artemis II stopped being so surprised. She really did always get her way…That, and he heard Dr. Argon declared only the Fowls could manage a Fowl, so the L.E.P. now considered them an asset.

"Oy, Artemis!" A massive, shaggy-haired man walked over to them with a boy around the twins' age following him. They were both eating ice cream cones similar to theirs, too. "Figured I'd introduce yeh. Harry, this here is Artemis Fowl. He an' yer father were 'friendly rivals' back in Hogwarts, as he put it."

"It is my pleasure to meet you, Harry Potter," Artemis Fowl Senior smiled warmly and shook Harry's hand.

"You knew my father?" Harry inquired. Artemis the Second realized with a pang this boy's father might be dead. He knew what that felt like. Artemis Senior nodded.

"I got him in trouble, he played tricks on me in return, and the cycle continued," he laughed. "Needless to say, I considered him one of my best friends." Artemis Senior motioned to his three sons. "These are my sons: Artemis the Second, Myles, and Beckett." Each of them nodded as their names were called. "Gentlemen, meet Rubeus Hagrid and Harry Potter."

"Are you going to Hogwarts, too?" Harry asked Myles and Beckett.

"Yeah," Beckett answered excitedly.

"And Artemis is teaching History of Magic," Myles added.

"So you will see more of us in the future," Professor Fowl finished.

"So, yer the new History of Magic professor?" Hagrid chimed in, "The one who got Binns to finally retire?"

"Indeed. I look forward to this year."

"So formal! Jus' like yer father, eh, Fowl?" Hagrid chuckled.

While the adults were talking, Myles and Beckett took Harry aside and started chatting as the three ate their ice cream.

"We heard about you from Mr. Diggle," Myles said, "and that you grew up in the Muggle world."

"We did, too," Beckett continued, chomping into the cold ice cream.

"So, how did you find out you were a wizard?" Myles picked up so Beckett could gulp it down.

"Our dad told us when we got our letters," Beckett offered their own explanation, though, not minding his full mouth. "Those things flew right in, so we thought they were bombs or something."

"Hagrid told me," Harry replied, obviously enjoying his ice cream as much as Beckett enjoyed his.

"Were you looking at other schools before Hogwarts?" Beckett licked his fingers, already done with his treat.

"Only one," The-Boy-Who-Lived admitted, "but I really didn't want to go there."

"Kind of like us," Beckett nodded, carrying the conversation while Myles tried to catch up without getting dirty, "but their cafeteria didn't have espresso, so we're trying our luck with Hogwarts."

"That's not the only reason!" Myles interjected.

"What was the other reason?" Harry inquired.

"Boredom," the twins said in unison.

"The wizard world is already super cool," Beckett bought Myles more time to eat. "Have you seen the book store yet?"

"No. What's it like?"

"Awesome," the twins gave the only necessary response.

"Boys," Artemis Fowl Senior called to his sons, "it's time we go on our way. Say goodbye to Harry."

"Bye, Harry," they obliged. "See you in Hogwarts."

"See you," Harry returned the farewell.

"Oh, and Mr. Potter," Artemis Fowl II chimed in, "prepare for class ahead of time, and contact me via owl if you have any questions."

"Yes, Professor."

"We best be gettin' on our way, too," Hagrid shook the adults' hands and waved to the students. "I'm the gamekeeper at Hogwarts, so yeh'll be seein' me there soon enough. 'Til then, lads."

"Goodbye, Mr. Hagrid." They bowed a goodbye, and the four Fowls set off to continue their shopping. Hagrid and Harry finished their cones and entered the parchment store.

 **Yay, they finally met Harry! Little do they realize how the people they met that day would stir up great turmoil, nor do they know they'll inevitably be caught in the tumult.**

 **I do not own Harry Potter or Artemis Fowl.**


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17: TO THE CORE

By the time they finished supply shopping and arrived back home, Myles and Beckett were exhausted. Not that they would ever have complained. They were itching to try their new wands, but their father confiscated them until it was time to leave for Hogwarts. Artemis, of course, got to keep his. The four of them hung around in the kitchen, wondering what to eat with no one to cook for them. The professor held his wand's box open in his hands, staring at the magical instrument pensively.

The boys still remembered the moment they got their wands. First, a slightly bendy 10-inch dogwood wand flew straight into their brother's face. Professor Fowl had to duck in order to avoid getting skewered by it! Then, Beckett felt drawn to a rigid 13-inch English oak wand which simply "felt right". Finally, Myles picked up a nearby pliable 11 ¾ inch sycamore wand out of curiosity, only to have it glow brightly in his hand.

According to the wandmaker, Mr. Ollivander, the three wands' cores came from the tail of the same unicorn.

"How fitting," Mr. Ollivander remarked, "that three brothers are chosen by the only three wands made from that unicorn's hair." His eyes pierced them, like he was trying to read their souls, "You must all have an extraordinary bond with each other."

The way Ollivander talked about wands, it sounded like they were almost sentient.

"Something wrong, Artemis?" their father asked Artemis. The addressee looked up, snapping out of his apparent trance.

"I was thinking about what Mr. Ollivander said of my wand," he explained. Apparently, dogwoods could be mischievous and playful, occasionally refusing to perform non-verbal spells and being a bit noisy. "I was expecting something a little more…"

"Sophisticated?"

"I was going to say 'disciplined'."

"My son," Artemis Senior laughed good-naturedly, "do _you_ like to play by the rules, or are you just as easily bored as that dogwood?"

"I…never thought of it that way," Professor Fowl blinked.

"Does he hafta get acquainted with it, Dad?" Myles asked. He was sitting on the countertop next to the empty sink, while Beckett crouched inside it for no particular reason.

"A wand does bond with its owner the more he uses it," Artemis Senior explained.

"What's your wand like?" Beckett had the same question the others did. All three sons waited expectantly for an answer.

"Eleven-inch pine with dragon heartstring, slightly bendy," he said, "good for non-verbal magic."

"Where is it?" Artemis wondered.

"Can you show it to us?" Myles asked. Artemis glanced sideways at him. They went over proper question forms at age five. " _Will_ you _please_ show it to us?" Myles corrected himself, only pouting slightly. Both twins became more obedient to their brother's instructions over time, but it still bothered Myles whenever he slipped up.

Much to everyone's surprise and delight, their father reached into his jacket and pulled out the very wand he described!

"Now," he smirked a little at the chance to show off, "let's figure out what to have for dinner." With a single wave, he opened the refrigerator. Some juice boxes floated out of it and into the dining room, landing gracefully on the table. One more flick, and the juice boxes became much larger.

"What is this?" a deep, rumbling voice reached the kitchen through the open doorway to the dining hall.

"Oops," Artemis Senior didn't sound very apologetic. "Welcome home, Butler!"

"Let me guess…" the insanely tall Eurasian sounded unimpressed. "The boys are wizards, after all."

"Yeah!" Beckett squeaked without thinking, "And Artemis is gonna be one of our teachers!"

"WHAT?!" he boomed. Artemis the Second winced at Butler's reaction.

 **WANDS: Do you have any idea how difficult and fascinating this small, yet crucial detail was for me? I looked up the wand woods' meanings according to Rowling, then slowly had to narrow down the options for each character. I also did that for wand cores, flexibility, and length.**

 **MY WAND ACCORDING TO POTTERMORE: Yes,** _ **I joined Pottermore**_ **just to relate to this story more. I was struggling with wands and what an acceptable combination would be, so I figured being assigned my own wand would help something click. I was right! Anyway, Pottermore says I would have…** _ **A beech wand with dragon heartstring core, thirteen inches, quite bendy**_ **. Getting that diagnosed helped me feel more comfortable assigning wands to these characters.**

 **ARTEMIS THE SECOND'S WAND: I was about to pair him with a yew wand, because the description of yew wand owners seemed particularly fitting for him. Voldemort had a yew wand, which was also a literary plus and would have helped infuse him deeper in the story. I also considered fir or holly—especially the latter, since it seemed like the type of wand he needed and could have been a nod to Holly Short, his dearest friend, thus also weaving him nicely into the story.**

 **At the last minute, however, I settled for a dogwood wand. Dogwoods like to be entertained…and being wielded by Artemis Fowl II was a ticket to mischief and adventure. This is partially because of his present desire for adventure, but also because trouble finds him…or rather, he always** _ **gets into**_ **trouble. Of course, more than one wand would like this sort of wielder, but I wanted Artemis to have a funnier pairing with his wand, since he was not born with his magic, but instead forced it to awaken inside himself. So, I needed a wand which would actually** _ **fly**_ **into his face and have a bit of sass, despite its unicorn hair core and neat length.**

 **The core and length are meant to temper the wand's playful nature. It is shorter than his brothers' wands for neater, more sophisticated magic; however, it is not so short that it would indicate insecurity or a small personality, so it also fits his confidence level. Unicorn hair wands are often consistent in performance and faithful to their owners, no matter whether the owner is an accomplished wizard or not. This makes me believe a unicorn hair wand would be more likely to choose Artemis—basically an artificial wizard—than wands with any other core.**

 **His wand's flexibility is a nod to how he is capable of great changes (** _ **he went from villain to hero**_ **over the course of the series), but those changes are difficult and take time for him (he went from villain to hero** _ **over the course of the series**_ **).**

 **BECKETT'S WAND: Much like Artemis II, I was about to pair Beckett with a different wand before changing it at the last minute. He was going to have an aspen wand, due to its association with natural duelists (i.e. natural fighters). I figured that was the closest to a canon-based wand pairing I could find, since the main unique character trait explicitly shown in Beckett was physical prowess. Its light color was also a plus, since he appears to be a "white sheep" in the family (as opposed to the usual "black sheep" trope). Ultimately, though, the description of English oak wands and their owners was too fitting for the way I developed Beckett thus far, as well as for the traits which will come into play later. Not only was he strong and courageous from a young age (how many toddlers would straight-up** _ **punch the undead**_ **without a second's hesitation?), but he also loves his family and would undoubtedly be loyal to Myles as a brother and friend forever.**

 **Merlin, according to Pottermore, was rumored to have used an English oak wand. The pairing with this wand wood, therefore, allows me to set Beckett aside as special without being cliché about it. Hello, bonus meanings!**

 **His wand is somewhat long—thirteen inches—and rigid because he is confidently, unabashedly himself, and that is not likely to change.**

 **MYLES'S WAND: The sycamore wand—highly desirable for its adaptability when paired properly with someone—usually pairs with someone highly curious and lively, with a thirst for adventure. I think this fit Myles quite well, and it is also fun to note that a sycamore wand can combust if it gets too bored.**

 **His wand's length is somewhere between Artemis's and Beckett's, which I also think suits him nicely. His wand is pliable because he seeks change (mainly improvement), but he would still be unlikely to go against who he is or do a 180 any time soon.**

 **ARTEMIS SENIOR'S WAND: It was a choice between elm and pine for this one. Elm was good for sophisticated wizards, and it was the wood for Lucius Malfoy's wand. Sadly, I don't think someone who would choose a red flame paintjob for his prosthetics would be paired with such a wand. Pine likes to be used creatively (red flame leg); is often paired with a unique individual considered intriguing, mysterious, or a loner (unique and shady, but nice at the same time); and its owners are said to be destined for long lives (he survived years of imprisonment by the Russian mafia—this guy should be around for** _ **ages**_ **). The last trait—his survival of the Russian mafia—would have led me to fir, but he is too capable of change for that wood, in my opinion. The guy seems to have had little trouble going straight and narrow, once he made the decision to do so. Sure, this may be partially due to Angeline and the fact that he went through more than enough to learn his lesson, but I didn't want to choose a wood disparate from the most important action he took in the canon series—officially declaring the Fowl criminal empire ended. Change was arguably the most important theme in the Fowl family's history: each member underwent some change or healing before Myles and Beckett, the new generation, could arise. Therefore, fir was not the ideal wand for any Fowl, in my opinion.**

 **A modestly sized wand (eleven inches) indicates, in his case, a somewhat showy personality but with some degree of sophistication. A wand good for non-verbal spells was a plus for a criminal, and a slightly bendy flexibility matches well with his obstinacy (he** _ **was**_ **, in all fairness, a stubborn criminal for a long time) tempered with an ability to adapt and** _ **eventually**_ **change.**

 **I considered a phoenix feather core, as I found a rare core suitable; however, its allegiance is hard-won, and it could act on its own. To put aside such a wand for years may not end the best way. Ultimately, I went with a powerful and flamboyant dragon heartstring core.**

 **BUTLER'S RETURN. Remember how he was on vacation at the Fowls' insistence? Well, he's home now! To be honest, he may not be happy his young charge is charging headfirst into a dangerous, magical situation** _ **again**_ **.**

 **HE KNOWS ABOUT WIZARDS? Of course.**

 **DID HE ATTEND HOGWARTS? No.**


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18: WHAT'S IN A NAME?

"I still can't believe you're a wizard, too, Butler," Beckett stared at him in awe.

"Yep. As a matter of fact, legend has it the Butlers began serving the Fowls because of a magical vow made centuries ago. I still can't believe Artemis is a professor at Hogwarts," Butler grumbled. He turned to his young charge. "Are you sure you don't need me there? I can be a groundskeeper, or a janitor, or a cook, or—"

"Actually, Butler," Artemis Senior lifted a finger, "all the chefs at Hogwarts are house elves. Anyways, Hogwarts is pretty safe against outside threats."

"It's not outside threats I'm worried about," Butler folded his powerful arms. "It's inside threats. You-Know-Who was a student there."

"Voldemort, Butler. 'Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself,'" Artemis Senior winked at his sons. "Dumbledore said that. He's the best headmaster in all of Hogwarts history, and a very powerful wizard."

"Given my research," Artemis the Second deadpanned, "I find it shocking there ever _were_ other headmasters in Hogwarts history. I must admit, he is very accomplished. I think the twins and I will be safe, Butler. Rest assured, I will send an owl if we need help."

"And I'll keep him safe, too!" Beckett puffed out his chest confidently. Butler had been training them all for years, but he was the faithful bodyguard's star pupil.

"I still can't believe it," Butler sighed. "You've all grown so much, I'm feeling a bit old."

"If you never went to Hogwarts," Myles tilted his head, "where did you learn magic?"

"That, young man," Butler winked, "is a Butler family secret." All Butler bodyguards trained at a secret academy, and it appeared nothing would make him reveal it. The mysterious family always fascinated Beckett—they weren't even allowed to reveal their first names, which made Juliet an anomaly.

"Angeline should be arriving home from Asia in a couple of days," the head of the Fowl family—equally mysterious in its own way—decided to fill their servant in on recent events, "with the rest of their school supplies. Artemis, will you be staying long enough to say goodbye?"

"Of course, Father," Artemis wanted to see his mother one last time before heading away for too long. As much as they sometimes bothered him, it always made him exceptionally happy to see his family together. Sometimes, he could almost forget losing each one of them. The young professor thought of that boy, Harry Potter, again. _Not everyone is so fortunate as I was,_ he reminded himself.

For the next couple of days, the air inside Fowl manor tingled with excitement. Myles and even Beckett could barely remove their noses from their textbooks. Myles got the idea to split up their reading and fill each other in on the material, so each could focus on their favorite subjects without falling behind. They received a call from their mother saying their snakey friend was safely released into his natural habitat.

"And just wait until you see your pets!" she sounded even more enthusiastic than the recipients of the news, "I just know you'll love them! Is Arty still home?"

"Yeah, Mum," Beckett held the phone, which they insisted on sharing, so he got first dibs on responses this time.

"Why do you ask?" Myles was a bit suspicious. As loving as their mother was, she kept trying to make Artemis more 'normal', much to all three brothers' dismay.

"Because I found the perfect little friend for him, too!" She gushed. The twins looked at each other, a mixture of horror and sympathy on their faces. They knew Artemis was never fond of pets, and going away meant he'd have to care for it himself. Still…their mom was so happy…

"What is it?" Beckett tried to sound enthusiastic, but their mother knew him too well.

"Oh, don't worry, my little Becky," It was moments like this Beckett really sympathized with Arty, "he's going to love this cat—it looks exactly like him!" Angeline squealed. "It even has mismatched eyes like him! It's seven-toed, too, which means it's lucky! Don't tell him, though—I want it to be a surprise." She giggled like he'd be the happiest man in the world.

Just like that, the twins had to hold back laughter. Imagining their dignified brother's face upon receiving a seven-toed feline look-alike from their mother was funnier than any prank they'd ever pulled! He would have to accept it, too—he could never refuse anything from their mum.

"Want to know what your pets are, too?" she held a teasing tone in her voice, like she already knew the answer.

"Yes, please!" Beckett gave away their anticipation. Myles would've wanted to play it cool, but he shrugged it off.

"Hm, should I tell you?"

"So we can think of names," Myles broke the first-dibs protocol to save negotiations. Beckett nodded to him, signaling it was okay to take the reins.

"Oh, alright," she laughed. The twins silently high-fived. Victory was theirs.

"Beckett, honey, you get…an Asian Spiny Toad!"

"Yes!" Beckett whooped and pumped his fist in the air. "Thanks, Mum!"

"I'm so glad you like it! I thought you'd find her fun to take care of, and she's so charming! Myles your new friend is…"

Myles held his breath. Unlike Beckett, he wasn't sure what kind of pet he really wanted.

"A Eurasian Eagle Owl! He's so big and serious, but I had a feeling it was meant to be as soon as I looked at him. Plus, I remember you can use owls to deliver mail, so maybe he could be useful, too! What do you think?"

"That sounds awesome, Mum," Myles felt relieved. "Thank you."

"I bet they'll like you so much. See you soon, my dears!"

"See you, Mum," they returned her farewell together.

"We should look up our pets' species," Myles suggested when she hung up, "so we know how to take care of 'em."

"And what they look like," Beckett agreed. "That name thing was a good excuse, Myles."

"Thanks, Beck."

"I think I'll name my toad Seraphina."

"Why?" Myles lifted an eyebrow. Beckett always was more creative with names.

"It just fits her."

Myles rolled his eyes. They haven't even _seen_ their pets yet. Now that the toad was getting a cool name, though, there went the idea to call his owl 'Mr. Hooty'. "I can't think of a good name for my owl."

"Let's look it up together," Beckett suggested.

"Sure thing, Beck."

 **This chapter was all about names—first family names, and then pet names!~**

 **I sometimes have a hard time naming pets, simply because I want to be careful what I end up calling an animal for the rest of its life. I always want the name to suit them, and to fit their level of dignity. I was fine with calling parakeets Ollie and Mira, or doves Margo (Argo when he turned out to be male) and Phoebe (after a snake my brother had), but if I ever got a horse or a majestic owl, I would want the name to be cooler. I also detest naming pets after food (like Oreo, Pepper, Milkshake, Sweety Pie, Pumpkin…the list of cringey names goes on and on).**

 **SERAPHINA: I recall reading the name somewhere…I think it was a dragon's name, like from Eragon or something…Anyway, it suits the toad. It just does.**

 **ASIAN SPINY TOAD: Also known as the Asian Common Toad, Asian Gold Toad, etc.,** _ **bufo melanosticus**_ **is a pretty (in my opinion) kind of toad widely native to South/Southeast Asia. It can grow to about 20 cm (8 inches)—a decent size for a toad, right?**

 **EURASIAN EAGLE OWL: Native to a wide range of habitats, this massive, deep-voiced owl reminds me of the Butler family.**

 **ASIAN PETS: True to the location in which Mrs. Fowl purchased them, these Asian pets will serve as a nod to the serpent at the beginning of this fanfic. I love that snake.**

 **THE CAT: I thought it would be a fun idea for Artemis to have his own "Mrs. Norris", haha. First his unexpected wand match, and now this…I'm happy with the direction this is taking.**

 **I OWN NEITHER THE HP NOR THE AF FRANCHISES. WHY IS THIS DISCLAIMER NECESSARY ON A SITE CALLED "FANFICTION" FOR STORIES CLEARLY LABELLED WITH THEIR INVOLVED FRANCHISES?!**


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19: ULTIMATE TREASURE

"I…I'm still thinking 'Mr. Hooty'," Myles admitted after scrolling through pictures of Eurasian Eagle Owls. Beckett had been listing off every name he could think of, and even others in the manor tried helping out the past day or so. Butler suggested names from fiction novels, Artemis Senior tried all kinds of mythology as a source, and Professor Fowl listed off several names from Muggle, Wizard, and even—recklessly—Faerie history (he figured nobody would be the wiser if an owl named Bahjee flew into Hogwarts). One of the more prominent candidates was Eusebius, after a pirate in their own ancestry, but even a swashbuckling name like that wouldn't suffice. Beckett's groan was largely exaggerated. He lay sprawled on his bed in their shared room.

"Then why not just go with Mr. Hooty?"

"Because it's not cool enough!" Myles plopped onto his own bed on the opposite side of the room. "Seraphina's way better!"

"So?" Beckett thundered. "I'm calling your owl Mr. Hooty, no matter what you end up choosing!"

"But…he might be insulted."

"He's an _owl_. I think it'll be fine."

"Please, Little Man," this time, Artemis was the one groaning. He was sprawled on the floor in a very un-Artemis-like display of exasperation, "just choose a name already."

"Alright, alright," Myles threw his hands up in surrender. "Mr. Hooty it is."

"Finally," Artemis breathed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I will—Hey," for the fifth time in his life, Artemis Fowl the Second used a slang expletive, "what is the meaning of this?" He couldn't pull his torso off the ground. The twins burst out laughing.

"Well done, Beck," Myles congratulated his antithesis between chortles. "You pulled it off brilliantly."

"You didn't even notice, Artemis," Beckett was doubled over, holding his sides.

"What did you do?" their victim glared up at them, struggling like a fly in a spider's web.

"Ya see, Art," Myles wiped a tear from his sapphire eyes, "Beckett discreetly put an adhesive of my own design onto your jacket before you got up this morning." Seeing Artemis scowl at him made his laughter bubble up again. "We had to,"

"Yeah," Beckett could scarcely breathe, "before we have to respect you."

"Well, Mother will be home any minute now," their captive ceased struggling, "and she will not be happy to see me like this."

"I made something to dissolve it with, too," Myles waved the matter away like it was nothing. "Beckett?"

"On it, Myles," Beckett pulled a bucket and brush out from under his bed and kneeled by their favorite plaything. "You make it real fun for us, you know." All it took was a little around the edges—apparently, Beckett applied it with an expert hand—and the history teacher was up and grumbling in no time.

"Shall we go downstairs and wait for Mum?" Myles suggested.

"Very well, Myles," Artemis straightened his clothing, hoping there were no marks left on it from the adhesive. "I shall let it go this…" the boys had already dashed out of the room, "time."

Approximately half an hour later, Angeline Fowl strode in with servants carrying her luggage. She held a box with holes in it, which she immediately handed to Beckett with a kiss on his forehead.

"For you, Becky dear!"

Beaming, the eleven-year-old boy took the box and opened it, dropping the lid on the ground. He gasped.

"Seraphina!" Delight was written all over his face. The toad was a 6-inch specimen, gold in color with black markings decorating her mouth and the tips of spines covering her body. "You're beautiful!"

The toad croaked, moving closer to the edge of the box.

"Wanna get out and explore? Let's go, then," Beckett scooped her up and carried her off, "but first, let's meet the others, girl." He smiled up at their mother, his eyes twinkling like clear waters. "She's perfect."

"I'm so happy you like each other," Angeline smiled from ear to ear. "Just wait until you see the others. Myles, honey? Step over here, please."

Myles let her guide him closer to a large, covered cage. She grabbed the white covering like a magician.

"Ready?" she asked.

He nodded. Anticipation tickled his senses, running through him like an electric charge. The suspense was killing him!

"Voila!" she removed the snowy cloth from the cage in one grand gesture, revealing a large owl whose tawny-buff face was framed by a clustered line of black dots. Its chest was speckled, and its wings and tail were barred. Myles took in the range of tawny to black coloring, the prominent ear tufts, and the round golden eyes. His jaw dropped.

"It's even bigger than I imagined!" Myles oohed and aahed over his new pet. "Can we really teach it to carry our mail for us?" He asked his father, who was standing off to the side with his arm around his mother. Both parents were smiling at their sons' glee.

"He doesn't even need training," Artemis Senior chuckled, "it's in his blood as an owl. Just be careful he doesn't eat anyone else's pets."

Myles was hardly listening. The owl gave a low, monotonous 'hoo' and leaned its head slightly closer to the amazed child.

"So, Myley dear," Angeline asked her son, "What will you name it?" Myles looked the majestic creature right in the eyes…

"Mr. Hooty," he announced proudly.

The owl just blinked and said 'hoo' again.

Suddenly, a cat meowed from under a different covered item.

"What is that?" Artemis asked apprehensively. It seemed he had put two and two together already.

"Oh, Arty" their mother glided over to the last white sheet and revealed a cat carrier. "This little companion is just perfect for you!" She opened the carrier, and out walked a cat with medium-length fur, seven toes on one forepaw, and mismatched eyes. "I thought of you as soon as I saw her."

Immediately, the cat locked its eyes—one blue, one amber—on an exceptionally pale Artemis the Second and approached him, meowing casually. The cat was black with white markings on her muzzle, chest, and paws.

"I put a handkerchief you gave me in the carrier with her, so she knows your scent," Angeline explained. "Isn't she so unique? Seven-toed cats are said to be lucky, and her eyes are just like yours."

"Thank you…" he gritted his teeth, "Mum."

Angeline was delighted and clapped her hands when the cat started winding around Arty's legs. Myles could practically hear him internally screaming over the hairs getting all over his clothes.

"What'll you name her?" Beckett asked, holding Seraphina the Toad so she could view the scene, too.

"…Cat," said Artemis flatly. Their mother put her hands on her hips, and their father held back a snicker. "As a play on the word 'cat' and the name 'Catherine'," he amended.

"Oh," Angeline's sun-bright smile returned. "How clever!"

"Just as I'd expect from you, Junior," Artemis Senior nodded approvingly.

Beckett decided to show Seraphina around the manor, while Myles got servants to help him find the perfect spot for Mr. Hooty's cage. In the meantime, Artemis wanted to spend as much time as possible with their parents and Butler before departing the next day. Cat remained at his side the whole evening.

 **BAHJEE: A fairy who developed a certain theory, referenced in passing on page 29 of** _ **Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian**_ **.**

 **EUSEBIUS: Another reference to _The Last Guardian_. He apparently died during a cave-in in the eighteenth century, burying some of his loot.**

 **As weird as the ending of the final installment was, it contained a lot of jewels. That is why I never discarded it completely. You'll find out the specifics of how I modified it later, but it really just needed a single tweak to get rid of the death/clone part.**

 **PET REVEALS: I love receiving new pets. Moments like that are especially exciting the younger we are! Myles and Beckett's reactions were based in part off of my own experience at around that age, when my parents got me a cat for my birthday. Beckett reveals the giddiness I felt, while Myles highlights the awe (it was a majestic cat, okay?). Beckett's treatment of Seraphina is reflective of how I treated a few birds I had over the years.**

 **OWL TRAINING (OR LACK THEREOF): Hedwig didn't seem to need training, but she was a wizard owl purchased in the wizard world. Would Muggle-world owls need training? I decided not, but that owls from the Muggle world would be more likely to eat their natural prey, regardless of what that might be (in this case, even smaller owls could potentially fall prey to Mr. Hooty, if Myles doesn't keep him well-fed).**

 **CAT THE CAT: I was going to have him name her Holly after his dearest friend, but I figured he isn't attached enough to the cat to honor it with Holly's name.**

 **FAMILY TIME: Family is very important to Artemis throughout the series, especially by the final installment. It's only natural he'd want to spend lots of time with them before leaving for the school year.**

 **' .** _ **ARTEMIS FOWL**_ **BY EOIN .** _ **HARRY POTTER**_ **BY J K ROWLING. If I did, a certain genius wouldn't be a clone, and a certain dog would still be alive.**


End file.
